becoming an adult

I have come to realise I have to be an adult and grow myself up... all this deterioration and regression is really about forward progress at the end of the day.. sigh. I need to take the long view of things... take a longterm understanding and strategy... stability only comes from time spent in stability.. I'm a year older pretty soon and it's time to start acting like an adult and take some responsibility... just for the small things.. that would be a good start... and over time who knows dreams may be achieved, mountains may be climbed, but it all starts with the essentials, the basics... the stuff I never got taught.. don't despair little one... this is good training for what's to come.
And yes I do want to contribute to the world still.. I don't know if I'll ever self-actualise enough to actually do that but I want to try. I want to make a difference at the end of the day. How depressing this life is... still.. new things can grow, new buds can form, new flowers can bloom from the present moment and what material we have left here now... sigh... sometimes I do feel so hollow and vacant and empty inside... { my heart, my soul, my cavity } ... it's offputting, demoralising,.. but little steps with frustration adversity anger are normal.. and if you don't, things only get worse. Be grateful for what you have right now because it won't be here forever. sigh.
Time to just keep trying ✊🏼